If you are over the age of 25 and still wearing these jeans, we need to talk because your denim is embarrassing you and making you look older, shorter, sloppier, cheaper, and stupid. I want to discuss some jeans that no grown man should ever wear.
These jeans are ridiculous
- Super skinny or tight jeans. If you can’t pinch an inch of fabric on either side of your thighs, your jeans are too tight. If you look like you’re a chick from the back, you shouldn’t be wearing them either. And if your package is popping or poking out of your pants, size up. If people can tell whether or not you’re circumcised, size up.
- Baggy and wide. Although baggy jeans are popular, to look your best, your jeans need to fit correctly. They shouldn’t be oversized, roomy, floppy, or sloppy; they need to fit your body. A baggy crotch will make your legs look itty bitty and super short. If the jeans’ legs are wide, you’ll also appear shorter.
- Too long. When dressing up jeans, ensure they don’t puddle or stack on top of dress shoes. Hem them if they are puddling at the ankle.
- Dressing up casual jeans. It doesn’t work. If your jeans have distressing or fading, they are casual and can be worn with sneakers, flip-flops, casual shoes, or boots. Do not try to dress them up. If you’d like to dress up your jeans, opt for non-distressed, dark-wash jeans. Lighter washes are ideal for warmer months, such as spring and fall, but even so, dressing up super light-wash jeans looks a bit weird. Instead, pair them with a simple t-shirt, minimal sneakers, flip-flops, or sandals.
- Butt bling. Opt for jeans with clean, minimal pockets. Simple Levi’s are fine. Some subtle tle stitching is okay as well. However, anything too ornate or over-the-top should be avoided.
- Sagging. Wear a belt because nobody wants to see droopy ass pants or underwear. Also, wearing pants without a belt doesn’t look finished. If you’re going to do a partial tuck or any tuck, wear a belt to finish the look. I recommend Anson Belts. They have zero holes because they utilize micro-adjustments on a track system and can be cut to fit any size.
- Packed pockets. Jeans look stupid with a big fat wallet, car keys, phone, and all your other carry items in your pocket. Full pockets distort your look and clean lines. Invest in a slim wallet because you don’t need to take all your cards with you every time you leave the house.
- Weird colored. Blue, dark indigo, medium wash, light wash, and white jeans all work as you can wear these with different types of shoes, shirts, and pants. Black also works, and gray looks amazing. However, some jeans, such as those in green, yellow, red, and other unusual colors, look terrible. Avoid these at all costs.
- Overly faded. Super-high contrast fading looks terrible and appears man-made. A lot of whiskering and fading looks weird.
- Same jeans fit no matter the brand. One brand’s ‘slim fit’ may suit you, but another brand’s ‘slim fit’ may be like ‘super slim’ on you. Be sure to try different styles when shopping at various stores.
