I Cheated… Should I Tell Her?

December 26, 2022
Welcome back installment of ‘Should Men’ video series. Today’s question is: should a man tell his girlfriend or wife that he cheated on her even if he didn’t get caught?

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I don’t advocate cheating!

So, today’s question is a tough one for everybody involved. As a disclaimer, I’m not in any way, shape, or form advocating you go out and mess around. I honestly feel that if cheating is something that you want or need to do, something is fundamentally wrong with your relationship. You need to figure it out first because going behind the back of somebody who trusts and loves you is one of the most self-destructive and selfish things you could do.

Cheating may mean that you’re searching for validation. Also, alcohol or drug abuse could be the cause. Do not put yourself into potentially negative situations and open yourself up to cheating.

What happens if you tell her?

If you end up telling her, even if you never got caught, you will immediately lose her respect and trust. You will ever get that back. If she doesn’t break up with you, she may say she forgives you but she will never trust you again. She will probably start snooping and not be okay with you hanging out with your friends. She’ll question females that you interact with. Ultimately, you’re doomed in terms of trust in your relationship.

The upside to admitting

An upside to admitting that you cheated is that you get it off of your chest. You’re not carrying the weight around because when you cheat, you’re always worried that you will be caught. This weight affects you as a person and as a man. You may know it was a mistake or just one time that it will never happen again, but the reality is you feel guilty and horrible.

Chronic cheater vs one-time indiscretion

In my opinion, hearing that somebody cheated on you is more devastating than losing a relationship and having somebody break up with you. Cheating is not okay in any scenario or situation. I do not advocate it and do not think it is cool.

  • If you do it again, it’s time to break up with her because the relationship is not working.
  • Also, if you’re somebody who is consistently or notoriously cheating, do the manly thing and admit the relationship is not working. You need to step away and figure out yourself. Don’t drag somebody else through your personal situation, and don’t lie to her.
  • If you cheated once and you know absolutely know it was a mistake, don’t tell anyone. Keep it between you and that person. The more people that know, the more people potentially could reveal your one-time indiscretion.
  • If you’re confronted, admit it. Don’t lie. Come clean and say that you did cheat, you’re sorry, and it was a mistake.

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