Men have been largely emotionally isolated

May 11, 2024

A man hiding his emotions is not manly. Wrong! He’s self-conscious and cares too much about other people’s validation of his own emotions. By a show of hands, who cried at the end of the movie “Rudy”? I did and still do, even though I know what’s coming. I can’t even help it. I cry at the end of other movies as well. Triumphs of the human spirit make me blubber like a little kid.

You’ve seen me cry on multiple occasions in some of my more heartfelt videos. I could very easily edit out parts or wait until I compose myself so I don’t show the emotional side of myself. But I’ve decided to leave those parts of me in the videos to let everybody else know it’s okay to show emotion. Showing emotion is NOT weakness — and it’s only natural.

Many mixed messages are out there in terms of masculinity and emotion. The book Emotional Intelligence discusses how people (not just men) are not formally taught much about processing their feelings. Many (not all) girls informally do it with their friends, but few boys do. More specifically, toxic masculinity is pervasive and unknowingly taught by other boys. This toxic masculinity steals a male’s ability to show emotion and makes creating strong bonds between men difficult. Signs of emotion might get hidden with jokes, name-calling, and more to demean a friend. Sadly, toxic masculinity robs men and boys of humanity.

Men spend their lives largely emotionally isolated, with nobody teaching them how to make sense of what’s happening in their heads. By the time men are adults, they don’t like talking about emotion because it makes them feel like a 3-year-old talking about the Moon lander. Men should be able to express and talk about their feelings. But since they don’t have the words, they have nothing to say.

It is absolutely okay for a man to show emotion when he’s happy or pissed or sad. My grandfather was a powerful man and somebody I revere as a quintessential embodiment of masculinity. As my grandfather got older, he became softer and was okay with showing emotion. It’s not something to be ashamed of, and it’s not a weakness.

I feel like I am more in touch with my emotions nowadays, but some things 100% trigger me to get upset and cry. Not horrible or tragic situations – more like beautiful things, triumphs, people helping people, and people doing good things. These get me choked up.

The producers do an excellent job with the emotional tales whenever the Iron Man triathlon is on TV. The stories destroy me. For instance, this guy pushes his son, who has cerebral palsy. When he puts him into the special boat, it totally rocks my world. It’s like the Rudy phenomenon.

I read a comment about men showing emotion in the Alpha M. Facebook group. The member said that men shouldn’t show emotion to women and should always be stoic. Quite the contrary, my friend. In a survey of 1,500 people by Elite Singles, 95% of women say they prefer a man who is open about his emotions. Additionally, 97% say that men crying is considered strong, natural, or healthy. In contrast, one in six men believes that women don’t want to see them show their emotions or cry, despite the finding that men are more likely to cry because of love than women!

After I cry about something, I feel so incredible. It’s this flood and rush of emotions. Letting it out feels fantastic. Crying is not a sign of weakness instead, it is a sign of just being a strong person. Why? Because crying is natural and therapeutic.

Do not for one second think that crying or showing emotion is weakness. Showing emotion is absolutely amazing and beautiful. It doesn’t make you a puss or any less of a man. As I said before, if a man hides his emotions, he is not manly– he’s too self-conscious and cares too much about other people’s validation of his own emotions. Remember, you’re incredible, masculine, and macho, even if you shed a few tears.

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Aaron Marino (alpha m.) is the number 1 men’s lifestyle influencer with over 8 million followers combined across multiple social media channels.

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